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Consulting Humor
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Like every profession, consulting has a rich tradition of humor. Some of it is self-promoting, much of it self-deprecating. If you are a consultant, you have heard, and probably told, most of theses jokes. We are collecting "best in class" consulting humor. Please contribute jokes, cartoons, videos and other ways to let us laugh about our profession - and ourselves.

 

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Top tags: consultant  humor  brand management  cartoon  ethics  fees  Funny  jargon  napping  presentation humor  values 

Ziggy has no skills

Posted By Richard P. Morgan CMC FIMC, Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Updated: Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Ziggy has no skills, so he's qualified to be a "consultant?"

Tags:  cartoon  consultant  humor 

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Mission Statement - by “Weird Al” Yankovich

Posted By Mark Haas CMC FIMC, Sunday, July 27, 2014
Updated: Sunday, July 27, 2014

Use Care When Naming Your Firm

Posted By Raymond W. Suarez CMC, Thursday, August 23, 2012

Tags:  brand management 

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Dulles Board pay 'change' guru $173K

Posted By Michael A. Gallo, Monday, June 18, 2012


From today's Washington Examiner.

"The airports authority in charge of the $6 billion Dulles Rail project paid an expert on "change" about $7,000 an hour to lead authority members' discussions at annual board retreats, theWashington Examiner has learned."  

See full article:http://washingtonexaminer.com/local/transportation/2012/06/dulles-board-pays-change-guru-173k/736271

The article describes how Airport Authority paid $173K over a three year period for consultant support at board retreats.  The article's author calculated that the consultant was paid an average of $7,000 per hour.  I suspect that the consultant put more hours in both pre-retreat preparation and post-retreat follow ups, so I think it's a bit unfair to compute the consultant's rate based only on the hours expended to conduct these retreats.  But hey, it's nice work if you can get it (and your client values your work!)

Tags:  ethics  fees  values 

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BigTimeConsulting

Posted By Iain Lopata, Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Some of you may remember the fantastic cartoons of James Sanchez who was behind BigTimeConsulting.  These have now been restored to their former glory and are available at http://www.bigtimeconsulting.org.  I hope you will enjoy them and share them with your colleagues.

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Our Reputation (as Consultants) Precedes Us

Posted By Mark Haas CMC FIMC, Sunday, July 10, 2011
Updated: Sunday, July 10, 2011
Courtesy of David Norman.

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The Consultant

Posted By Lee Cooley, Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Updated: Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Too funny!

Tags:  consultant 

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How Do You Spell "Cringe"?

Posted By Mark Haas CMC FIMC, Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Hopefully, this image of consultants is very rare.

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Consulting Haiku

Posted By Mark Haas CMC FIMC, Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Updated: Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Perhaps the most sublime expression of the independent consultant’s heart and soul is haiku,  a traditional seventeen-syllable verse form of Japanese poetry. Set in three non-rhyming metrical units of 5, 7, and 5 syllables, the consultant haiku expresses both the profession’s philosophy and the innermost, unspoken feelings of a consultant pursuing truth, beauty, and elusive clients.

Perhaps the most aspirational haiku:

My client calls me,
"Six figures if you come now.”
My alarm clock rings.

The attached file has a dozen more haiku - please create and contribute your own.

 Attached Files:

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You can give advice but the client doesn't have to listen

Posted By John E. Roche, Monday, August 2, 2010
Here's one from the paper 8/1/2010. True so true :)

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Posted By Nitin Kumar CMC CM&AA, Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A Management Consultants view (an old one):

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Management Consulting Inc., in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.

Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Management Consulting Inc. helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes, and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Management Consulting Inc. convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.

The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Management Consulting Inc. helped the chicken change to become more successful.

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The Business Nap (American Siesta)

Posted By Christopher Richards, Saturday, May 8, 2010
Does your organization have a napping plan? Should we catch up on our sleep during meetings? Read the not-quite true story here.

Tags:  Funny  humor  napping  presentation humor 

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Who Consults to the Consultants?

Posted By Mark Haas CMC FIMC, Saturday, January 2, 2010
Lest we presume that we are all so smart that we don't need any advice from others . . .

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Consulting Mantra

Posted By David McNutt, Saturday, January 2, 2010
Searching for the answer sometimes takes time, sir.


 

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Vendor Client Relationship (Have You Ever Been Part of This Conversation?)

Posted By Mark Haas CMC FIMC, Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Thanks for this to Lisa Starr. This is an almost painful experience of negotiating on price after the services have been delivered.

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